


Before you, I was in a pretty dark place

by lewisfairy



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: (sorry), Alternative Universe - Fantastic Creatures, Angst, Depressed Louis, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, M/M, Mermaid Harry, Suicidal Thoughts, kind of?, non smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-31
Updated: 2014-12-31
Packaged: 2018-03-04 11:34:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3066353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lewisfairy/pseuds/lewisfairy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis doesn't want to live anymore and wants to see his last sunrise. Harry is a mermaid who sings pretty and Louis wants to kiss him.</p><p>Elements: Fantasy creatures, Angst and New Year's Party</p>
            </blockquote>





	Before you, I was in a pretty dark place

**Author's Note:**

> Listen to Blue Blood by Laurel if you want the fully experience, idk.
> 
> This is pure fiction, I didn't write about the boys' personalities, just invented them.

The music is loud, echoing around the room, drums on the floor. Louis can feel it but he isn't sure if it's the blood of his ears or the actual music. Maybe it’s both.

Maybe.

His muscles are tense and his head hurts a bit, his hands are sweating and all the people around him are talking loudly. He needs to leave now, this doesn't feel _right_.

  
He loves the feeling of being against people but not now, not when he feels like throwing up and passing out on the floor. He's not drunk, he's not. He's just fucking sad and wants to stop remembering. He had thought drinking would make him forget and try to talk to hot people but he just—he wants  to be in his bed, warm and calm, maybe crying or screaming but he wants to leave now.

So he does.

He says goodbye to the people he was with, excusing himself, saying he feels sick before wishing them a happy new year. He wants them to be happy even though he met them an hour ago; he really wishes them to be happy since he knows what it feels like when you’re not and you just feel like dying because nobody really cares about you.

Louis leaves the party quickly, thinking of the safety of his house but the hole in his stomach is growing deeper with every second. He wants it to stop but he can't help it, he wishes he could be normal—that he could be with his family, that they were still alive... and that thought makes him cry.

He hates feeling so _weak_ , crying alone in the street but he can't help himself. He hates the warm salty water that's pouring down his face, he feels so tired and he doesn't want to live anymore.  
Louis misses his family and wants so bad to be happy with the people he loves but he knows life won't let him. It's as if fate had hated him since the day he was born. He knows it's true. He knows he's destined to die in his own loneliness.

  
And he hates himself for being alone and letting Abby go. He shouldn't have, he feels so lonely now that he’d rather be with someone who isn’t actually worth it. Whoever. But it's too late.  
She's gone now and she maybe even has a new boyfriend; she never really wanted him, she never did, but he believed in her, because she meant hope and happiness. All those afternoons spent cuddling in Louis' sofa, giggling about dumb TV shows.  
He misses her; she was the only one that made him dream of a bright future, a nice life. She made him believe she loved him and that he could trust her.

 _Bullshit._ That's what all those _stupid_ promises were, just dust and fire that burnt Louis' insides.

He cries loudly, sobbing. He can't handle it anymore. His vision blurs and everything swirls around him, he sits down on the floor, he can't keep walking, it hurts—his body hurts, everything hurts and he wishes so bad that his heart stopped beating. But if he really wants it to stop, he needs to do it himself, so he stands up, wipes his tears away and tries to think clearly about what to do.   
He decides to see his last sunrise, so he goes to the beach even though he feels his chest tighten and his feet swelling. It is not far, he's there within 30 minutes, and it is still cold and dark.

He decides to wait in a cave. Maybe he can sleep a little bit until the sun rises. The thought of being dead in only 4 hours makes him smile, his body pale and cold, like a reflection of his soul.

Nobody cares about him anyway, and he’s sure no one will cry for him or complain about it if he's not there.  
He finds a little cave not far from where he’s standing and decides to head there. Once inside he finds it incredibly comfortable, he thinks that he likes that, the whole being hidden from the world thing. Alone but with the sea near him.

He sees a rock that looks like his bed and he's so tired that he doesn't even think it twice and lays on it. He falls asleep with cold and rage in his mind.

A _melody_. That melody is _astonishing_.   
He's dreaming that he's inside a cave and he's listening to someone sing, and their voice is so beautiful he feels in heaven. But it's not a dream, he realises.

At first, his heart stops and his hands start sweating; his eyes wide open, he listens attentively because what the hell could be making that sound?  
After a few seconds he relaxes. The melody is so beautiful he can't resist it, so when he feels brave enough, he raises his head to try and find out where it is coming from.  
His eyes look around the cave, it's still night and he can barely see.

Louis jumps out of his skin when he notices a shadow, apparently a man...a hot one, he thinks. He freezes in his place, not knowing what to do.

The shadow approaches him, Louis' heart seems to be trying to get out of his body and he feels like he might throw up. But the melody keeps playing and it's so _relaxing_ that he wants to sleep a little bit more, even if something-someone- is near him.

He can't take his eyes off of the person—thing; he _can't_ , it's like he's obligated to watch it-him his entire life. He doesn't complain though. And as much as he wants to run away, he can't either. He's hypnotized somehow. Then he realizes what the melody says.

_"Blow it up, let the horses run. I used to kill for fun; we're filthy rich sitting on the tail end of love." _

He doesn't know if he should be scared or not. Louis' mind tells him to run but he's glued to the rock.

_"You woke me up for your blue blood, made me come undone... Can't believe you've been here the whole time" _

Louis wonders if he has blue blood and that's why no one sticks up for him. And then he thinks he's still drunk.

 _"Too nice to pass you by and I can't believe you've been here the whole time"_  
  
Maybe it's all his imagination.

_"You made me feel again, made me dance circles 'round the pieces of your heart." _

He can't breathe. The thing- man who is singing is just... _wow_.

_"You made me feel again, after the last time, didn't think that I could love." _

The pretty boy with emerald eyes and lips like roses is now smiling at him. Louis can barely breathe because the strange man is so wonderful he seems unreal.  
His body is in the water and Louis wonders why such a pretty boy is in there singing, so he asks.

"Why are you in the water?" 

The other man stops singing, his smile fades, and Louis regrets asking. He didn't want the singing to stop (nor the smiling) "I’m sorry..."

"Why are you in a cave?" The boy asks bitterly, ignoring Louis’ question, his voice croaky.

"I asked first" Louis says coldly.

"Well... if I told you, you would run" The boy seemed scared and Louis frowned.

"Why would I?"

"What's your name?"

"Lo-Louis" He says confused, breathily. "And yours?"

"Harry." 

It's a beautiful name, Louis thinks but doesn’t say it out loud "You sing beautifully, Harry"

"Thanks." The boy smiles and comes a little bit closer to Louis. He decides to sit down on the seashore. The night outside is still prominent.

"It's a cold night isn't it?" Louis asks, looking straight into Harry's eyes. "Why are you swimming?"

Harry laughs, loudly. "I'm not swimming" he says. He's got a grin on his face and Louis doesn't understand but the boy has fucking dimples, and he feels his stomach warming and smiles as well.  
He might want to see that boy smile his whole life.

"What do you mean?" Louis wonders out loud, hoping his voice doesn't sound as eager as he feels. Then he covers his mouth, he swears he saw a fucking _tail_ in the fucking water. 

"What the fuck?" He says desperately.

"Please...Don't" Harry looks at the water and the corners of his mouth fall.

"I—no, no, no. I mean, that's amazing" Louis says excitedly, smiling really widely, hoping that it will make Harry smile again. Maybe alcohol makes him think being a mermaid it's not a big deal.

"Do you really think so?" Harry seems unsure and it looks so cute that Louis can't contain his grin.

"Yeah," Louis is so amused with this guy. "So you are a merman, right?"

"Yup, handsome and with a tail" Harry jokes. Both boys laugh, maybe because they know Harry is right. Or maybe it was because Harry laughed first and Louis couldn't help but join him. Or maybe both.

"Well, I'm human" Louis says sarcastically, hoping it doesn't sound too stupid.   
Apparently, it doesn't. Harry lets a laugh and agrees frantically.

"Of course you are."

"So, Harry, what are you doing here?"

"I live here," There is something about Harry's eyes that don’t let Louis believe him completely. "And you?"

"I was tired, y'know, human stuff" Louis really doesn't want to answer that question.

"Well yeah, mermen get tired too."

"Sure." Louis tries to think about something else to say and then "What is it like to be a merman?" _Seriously_ , Louis? That’s the _best_ you can do?

"Uhm..." Harry puts a finger on his lips; he takes his time to answer and Louis' stomach does a _thing_. "You can breathe underwater, food's free and there's no baths," Louis laughs brightly, taking a hand to cover his mouth. "What is it like to be human?"

Louis takes his time; he doesn't want to upset Harry with his answer. "There are baths and smelly people. You pay for everything and water could kill you."

Harry smiles "Knew all of that."

"Then what don't you know?"

“I guess... the reason why you are in a cave so fucking late?" Harry looks concerned and Louis feels a little bit guilty (he shouldn't, he met this guy like five minutes ago for god's sake).

"I guess..." Louis repeats "that doesn't matter" Because it doesn't. He's not trying to make Harry feel sorry for him; he’s still going to kill himself after the sun rises, no matter what. Harry doesn't need to know that that will be his last sunrise.  
  
An idea pops.

"It does matter!" Harry adverts innocently, curiosity in his eyes.

"Well... I’ve loved sirens since I was a kid... I wanted to become one" or maybe the idea of drowning makes him shiver with excitement.

"Wait, is that even possible? I thought people couldn't become sirens" Harry is clever, but Louis is sure he can work something out.

"Yes, once a man told me there have to be a mermaid o merman, you, and a human, me. The merman has to drown the human while wishing with all of his hopes for him to become one of them "Louis says it like it was true, if he didn't know the truth, he might have believed himself.

Harry gasp, surprised. "You want to drown yourself... to become a merman?" His eyes wide open, the words coming out softly, as if at any moment everything could break apart.  
It might.

"That's exactly what I want" Louis declares; he had made his decision about two hours earlier. It feels like it had been years since he was drunk, crying alone in the street.

"But then...you would die!" Harry's eyes are glassy and Louis wants to kiss him. "Like, your human body..."

"I know, it's not a big deal, I swear" Louis says calmly.

Harry snorts; he thinks Louis might be crazy. "Not a big deal? You’ll never see the people you love again!"

"I don't love anyone" Louis isn’t brave enough to face Harry so he looks away. "And it's not like they actually loved me, so..."   
That's the most truthful thing he had said in the whole night.

"Oh" Understanding shining in Harry's eyes. "Sorry..." Now he's the one not looking at Louis.

"Not a big deal" Louis comforts him, trying to make him feel lighter.

"Okay."

"Oh, look!" Louis screams and points at a light coming from outside. The sun is rising.

"Is it morning already?" Harry wonders, mostly to himself.

"It seems. C'mon!" Louis jumps into the water, it's deep but he knows how to float so he's fine, and he grabs Harry's hand, swimming to see the sun. Harry swims under him and tells him to go up in his back. He does so and holds onto Harry's back while he's swimming outside the cave.  
Maybe he wants to be a merman after all.

When they are outside Harry doesn't let Louis down and Louis doesn't complain. So Louis stays where he is and just watches the sunrise.

The sky looks orange around the sun and it turns blue-ish in the farthest zones. It even looks black at the end. It's really beautiful.

Suddenly, the sun is rising, and it’s all yellow and light everywhere. Everything seems calm and the day is warm now, no cold or dark anymore.

Louis sighs loudly. That's it, it's time.

"Are you okay?" Harry asks, worried and Louis wants to kiss his back.

"Yeah..." Louis confirms. But he's anxious and the hole in his stomach is still there.

Harry starts to sing again, it is so beautiful. Louis' muscles relax and the hole in his stomach stops growing.

 _"You woke me up for your blue blood, made me come undone; Can't believe you've been here the whole time"_  Harry sings softly, looking at the sun.

Louis' curiosity make his hands tremble and he asks "why do you sing that song?"

Harry blushes, stops singing and leaves Louis on a rock, looking at him "That's how I feel, I suppose?" The boy doubts and Louis thinks he's really cute.

 _"Too nice to pass you by and I can't believe you've been here the whole time"_ Harry sings beautifully.

"Have you got a girlfriend, Harry?" Louis wonders if he said something wrong because the other boy suddenly freezes.

"Uhm, there aren’t too many people I know, I just have mates." Harry is uncomfortable and Louis doesn't understand.

"Yeah, same."

There's silence between them, the sun is now fully up in the sky and everything looks so bright. There are some people at the beach, but the boys can't be seen where they are.

"It's about you" Harry murmurs, so quietly that Louis isn't sure he really said it.

"What is about me?" Louis looks directly at Harry, but the boy is looking at his hands, playing with them.

"The song..." Harry blushes violently, still not looking at Louis. And Louis almost chocks because Harry is singing him a _song_. About _him_. 

"How? We just met." Louis's eyebrows met and he can't think straight. A freaking beautiful boy has just dedicated him a song. Like—what? That's more that he had ever received in his whole life.

"Yes, but sirens are good at creating songs quickly if they have inspiration" Harry blushes some more, if it’s even possible. Louis has his eyes opened widely; he gave Harry some inspiration just by looking at him? What? _How_?

Harry may have misunderstood his facial expression because he rapidly says "Sorry..."  
This boy is apologizing for something he doesn't even understand and Louis wants to kiss him so bad. But he doesn't.

He throws himself into the water and hopes that his eyes are wet because of the sea—not the fact that a hot boy wrote a song about him. And then he hugs Harry tightly, almost desperately.

"Don't fuckin' apologize, you twat," Harry holds him closer and even though the water is cold, he feels so warm and Louis really wants to kiss him. But again he doesn't, and instead he says "It's the most beautiful thing someone has _ever_ done for me."

The only thing he knows it that Harry is holding his head with both hands, smiling so prettily. Louis' knees go weak because Harry is so beautiful and he's holding his face and has pretty lips like roses. He bets they taste like roses too and warm and happiness and something more he doesn't want to admit. It might be love—something real.

Harry lips look soft; Louis looks at Harry's eyes and finds out that the other boy is staring at his mouth. He smiles so brightly, he feels needed and it's a beautiful feeling that rests in his stomach. It's much better that the constant hole he has most of the time.

The boy is smiling as well.

Louis isn't sure if he's still asleep or Harry is real. It feels real because Harry lips taste like sea and salt but also like cherry and love.

Louis presses his waist against Harry's so they can be as near as possible, and he doesn't want him to ever go away. Harry puts his hands on Louis' hair, they feel warm against the wetness and he hums excitedly,he's so beautiful and he's kissing him while touching his hair.

 

They kiss desperately, skin pressed against skin everywhere and Louis feels in Heaven. Harry's lips are so amazing, and he thinks he could kiss him forever.  
It feels warm and Louis is happy. He hopes Harry might as well.

They separate, Louis needs to breath while the young merman immerses for a moment. He swears his lips feel like fireworks, and Harry's taste like fire. He can't believe what just happened.  
And when the emerald eyed boy rises again, they just hug. Who knows for how long, but it feels safer than Louis' bed.

"You are so beautiful" Harry says quietly, just the two of them can hear it. Then, he kisses Louis' hair and he feels like he might drown in happiness.

"You are so beautiful" Louis repeats, because Harry deserves it and kisses his chest.   
Maybe Harry's heart is beating a little too fast, Louis' heart is, and he's glad he's not the only one.

"I really want to be a merman" he whispers. Or maybe he wants to die, or both if it was possible. 

"But you have to drown, and I'm not sure if it will work" He sounds concerned. Maybe Louis really wants to become a merman and spend the rest of his life with Harry.

"Yeah...but..." Louis doesn't know what to say.

Harry puts his nose in Louis's neck and Louis notes that the boy is taller than him. "I don't want you to leave"

"I won't if you drown me"

Harry gasps in Louis' neck, hugs him tightly "I won't do that, you will suffer!"

"Yeah, but I want... maybe not to be human anymore" Louis says, he isn't sure of what he wants anymore, but he wishes Harry to be with him forever.

"Why not?" Harry asks, now looking straight at Louis' eyes.

"Dunno. Just...I don't want to come back." Harry doesn’t need to hear all his bullshit. 

"I don't want you to go back, either. Come with me" Harry begs, giving a peck to his lips.

"Then drown me" he insists. Maybe that's all he wants after all.

"But you'll suffer!" Harry pouts. He fucking pouts because he doesn't want Louis to feel pain, and the urge to kiss him returns.

"I will, yeah. But the pain means it is worth it." Maybe it isn’t, but it doesn’t matter anymore.

"You sure?" He sounds so concerned and it pains him, but he needs to understand that it is what Louis wants.

"Yup. 100%" Then he smiles to assure his new friend that everything will be okay.

"You don't want to think it twice?" Harry asks sweetly.

"I've thought about it enough already" Louis answers, running his hands over Harry's face softly, as if he was made of glass. He is, he thinks.

"If you change your mind..."

"I won't"

"...you can tell me"

Louis sighs and nods. "I'll tell you but I won't change my mind"

"Thanks, now I feel a little bit relieved" Harry holds Louis' tiny hands in his. "I'm going to show you something; take a deep breath and close your eyes" Harry smiles, a hint of knowledge in his voice.

"Okay." Louis obeys. He closes his eyes and puts all his trust in Harry. He knows that this might be his last time with to legs or even alive.

Harry tells him to lie in his back with his arms resting under his neck. He asks him to hold his breath and then Louis can feel water everywhere. And it's a nice feeling.

His eyes are still closed which helps him to keep calm, enjoy the feeling and concentrate in holding his breath.

"Here we are" He hears Harry say. He wonders if in less than two minutes he’d be able to talk underwater too. "Open your eyes"

And Louis does.

The first thing he sees is a blurry Harry and a lot of colours behind him. He smiles, trying to tell Harry he's perfectly fine. "Here's where I come when I feel alone. I love the colours and it's like my own safe place, y'know?"

Louis nods, because he knows. It’s just like his bed when he feels lonely.

"I brought you here because I want it to be a safe place for you... to... you know" 

Louis nods again and feels his lungs starting to burn. He jumps off Harry’s back and scuffs himself a little bit closer, facing him. Harry seems to understand and hugs him so tight, Louis feels safe even if he's going to drown within seconds.

"You are beautiful" Harry says and even though Louis sees everything blurred, he swears he can see Harry smiling at him. So he does as well.  
Harry kisses him. It’s just a small peck, lips against lips. He seems scared that Louis might die. So he strokes Harry's hear, reassuringly.

Then he doesn't feel calm anymore, he needs air but he doesn't move. He wants to cry and breathe, but he can't. He doesn't regret his decision though.

His vision goes black after he sees a pair of green emeralds, looking at him. His nose blazes and his lungs ache, he can't breathe anymore. It hurts so much that he’s sure he's hurting Harry with all the force he's holding him. His heart is in pain and he can't handle it anymore…  
And Harry starts to sing.

 _You made me feel again, made me dance..."_  
He wishes he could still hear him.  
But then it’s all dark.

***************************

He opens his eyes, bright emeralds staring at him expectantly. Harry smiles at him; there's no pain and no blur anymore.

He looks down, he has a tail now.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it! Leave comments/kuddos if you want :) i'm at ludovicusipsum on tumblr idk


End file.
